they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
