Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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