He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
