Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I understand Curling. That high.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
