What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
