In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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