So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
