I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
