don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
