hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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