I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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