I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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