When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i now understand why vodka
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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