You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
