you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
