i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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