The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
