You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
