I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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