My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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