Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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