i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
not ubering you a puppy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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