sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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