I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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