I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
