if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
