yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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