i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
