i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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