Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
