You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
