Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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