Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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