Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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