On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im calling her cock vulture from now on
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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