Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
