i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
