I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i think i have two assholes
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
