Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
