Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
