This house was built for laser tag.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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