i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
