Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
