Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
