Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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