I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
