names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have aggressive nipples.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
