so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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