and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
