yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
