he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
