any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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