I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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