I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
