just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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