and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
