those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
