It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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