I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
