Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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