Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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