he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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