The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
