i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All the doctor said was why
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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