True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
