people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
