How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
BRING THE BAGELS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
