Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
