what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
