Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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